"Women have been lied to!"

The myth of the golden era of marriage (Part 1)

Well, Actually is an ongoing newsletter series debunking the mythconceptions and outright lies told by those invested in upholding patriarchy. You can find the introduction post here.

This week, we’ll be discussing the university commencement speech delivered by Harrison Butker, in which the conservative ‘champion’ footballer told graduating students at Benedictine College that women today have been “diabolically lied to” in regards to the pursuit of careers vs ‘homemaking’. It’s long, so I’ve broken it down into parts.

Part 2 will be uploaded tomorrow.

---

I had originally planned to address patriarchy’s longstanding dismissal of the gender wage gap, but then a man with no idea about shit opened his mouth and said something predictably facile and misinformed and, well, here we are.

Before we get into it though, I would just like to state for the record that I deeply resent handing over my valuable mental real estate to a man who kicks a ball for a living. Until three days ago, I had never heard of Harrison Butker and I was all the better for it. I would very much like to return to a time in which the existence of a name like ‘Butker’ would seem plausible only as a typo, but unfortunately we live in a world where men are not yet required to apply for a licence to handle a microphone.

There are a few issues at play here that I think are worth looking at (hence the breaking down of this posts into parts):

1. The specifics of religious dogma and the people who express it

2. The broader impact of misogynistic mythmaking about women and our ‘calling’

3. The dangers of allowing soundbites to lead our commentary

Let’s get to it!

Part 1. On religious dogma

A brief recap. Butker is a 28 year old man who kicks a football for the Kansas City Chiefs. He’s also an extremely conservative Catholic with enthusiastically homophobic and transphobic views who opposes reproductive healthcare (specifically abortion, but also birth control) and, evidently, the notion that women might have a subjectivity that excludes him.

On May 11, Butker delivered a commencement speech to graduates at Benedictine College, a private Catholic college in Kansas City. For roughly twenty minutes, he expounded on doctrinal issues of religious faith, duty to God and the need to be “authentically and unapologetically Catholic”. (If you’re curious about observing one of the most intolerable men alive, you can read the entire transcript here.)

As tends to be the case with news these days, a short excerpt from that speech began to circulate online. Specifically, the part where Butker addresses the female graduates in the room. He says:

“For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly, because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you: how many of you are sitting here now about to cross the stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career. 

Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.

I’m on this stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me. But it cannot be overstated, that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker. 

I can only speak to my own reaction, but the videos and stitched responses I’ve seen to this have zoomed in on the part about “diabolical lies”. It’s the kind of thing we’ve grown accustomed to hearing from male podcasters (sidenote: would you rather your son grow up to be a male podcaster or a party magician with a sideline in pickup artistry?), which is the demographic of people who are perhaps least capable of surviving without women’s leadership and knowledge of basic hygiene. Oh look! many of us said. It’s another threatened man-child trying to force women back into the kitchen!

Well, yes and no. Hear me out.